What happens as we grow older? I wish people would be more forthcoming. Does everything actually grow hollow? Or is that just a sign of our times? Puttering around, restless nights, far too much staring out of windows at weather, and a slow march of disappointments. Is that just winter talking, even if there is no snow? Spring was here for a week or two, and then it retreated into the hills. The air is cold and wet again, and the street cats are howling.
Plenty of good things happen. They just seem to get eclipsed by the rest.
At one point I thought more answers would present themselves.
We bang our heads against the ceilings of our lives, surprised there is not more room. Our tongues turn sour, like we have been sucking on pennies.
The old hoaxes have been shed off, like snake skin. The charades have been traded in, pawned for rent. What remains is a cold understanding, some fresh grey hairs, some glorious plans, a new alphabet to learn, an allergy to the hype machine, and the work. The pages are the pages. The recipes are the recipes. The recordings do not lie. The pictures sit in piles, milestones of intention. These can never be taken away. The rest is weather.
https://youtu.be/4_4W2Owd77Y?si=nQJltKuumxQtYYl1
It's a back and forth kinda thing. One day you feel like the weight of gravity is catching up with you, the next you see that all you carry is what made you what you are and you're grateful. When I talk to young people today many express a wish that they hadn't missed previous decades. This is usually associated with music. I tell them about seeing The Rolling Stones in 1975 for ten bucks. They're well aware of classic rock bands and feel kinda cheated that they'll never experience live music the way we did back in the day. Just a few lucky stars old folks like us carry in our back pockets.
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I hope it’s just the weather my friend.
I’m enjoying growing older. The freedom to do a little less if that feels right. The self awareness to try more and not be dissatisfied if I fail, the “trying” was the good part. I know it’s easy right now, I have no chronic illness, my aches and pains disappear with movement, and I’m very privileged to have a safe home and a best friend who happens to be my husband. I’m many ways I’m so fortunate. I’m surrounded by a lot of friends who are 10-25 years older than my 64 years and I’m watching and learning as I see them thrive. They know there’s fewer days ahead so they cherish those days even more.
Thank you for your observations today. It’s given me the gift of awareness ❄️❄️❄️